Abstinence should be promoted to girls during sex education.
Teaching children to "just say no!" will reduce sexual abuse.
You might be surprised to learn that these are the opinions of the MP
Nadine Dorries who has proposed a bill requiring that sex education contain material promoting abstinence. Ms Dorries appeared on the Vanessa Show on Monday, which can be seen
here, with her section starting around a third of the way through. During the course of this show she states "Some of the evidence I've heard suggests that a stronger 'just say no' message might reduce sex abuse". She claims that the sexualisation of children in today's society means that children don't know what physical contact is inappropriate.
There are so many issues here I barely know where to start.
Firstly, I agree that sex education should include sections on emotional health and relationships. It's important that children are given as much information as possible so that they can then make their own, informed decision about sex. Abstinence
should be taught and is the option many people choose. However, one choice should not be promoted over the others. No one option is "better" than others. If the individual is happy with their choices then there is nothing wrong with abstinence, and there is nothing wrong with having sex. Let's put the focus onto helping children and teenagers make the right choices for them personally, rather than shaming them for making the "wrong" choice.
Next, why is the focus on girls and young women? Why are we the ones being asked to take the responsibility? Last time I checked, two people were required for a sexual relationship. It also seems incredibly counter-productive to encourage abstinence in young women but not in young men. Since, I would assume, most engage in sex with people around the same age as themselves it would seem sensible to teach everyone in a particular age group the same information. Sending a different message to young men and women not only enforces sexist stereotypes (all men are constantly horny, women aren't) but also makes good communication much more difficult. Communication is a vital part of a relationship, particularly when sex is involved, so sex education should aim to make this as easy as possible.
The most infuriating part of it, however, is the idea that enforcing "just say no" more strongly will have any effect on sexual abuse. Let's be clear here - abuse is
never the victim's fault. Never. The only person responsible for abuse is the abuser. If saying no had an effect there wouldn't be rape, there wouldn't be abuse because the second the word was used the perpetrator would stop. Now let's consider who is being discussed here - children. Saying "no" is incredibly difficult for a child, particularly if the abuser is in a position of trust. There is a range of people that children are taught to trust and these people can all turn round and be abusive. The use of "just say no" is putting the onus onto children to prevent sexual abuse which is completely absurd.
Further to this, children
don't always understand what is appropriate and inappropriate. This is because they are children. They shouldn't
need to understand these things because they shouldn't be in these positions. The sexualisation of children is something that needs to be examined and discussed but a major thing here, again, is that
children don't necessarily understand it. I recently watched
The Sex Education Show: Stop Pimping Our Kids on C4 which contained a segment where items were shown to both "tween" girls and their mothers. One item was a pair of pants with "Angel" across them, which one particular girl really liked because it was a nickname her mum used for her, whilst all the mothers were shocked by it. This is only one case, but it does demonstrate that whilst these things often seem sexual to adults, they aren't always perceived this way by the children themselves.
Children should not be required to protect themselves from abuse, sexual or otherwise. Adults should be protecting children. Why is the focus being put on the role of children instead of focusing on adults? Send out stronger messages about how unacceptable abuse is, introduce harsher penalties, educate adults who work with children on recognising signs of abuse. Don't ask children to protect themselves.
This is by no means an exhaustive coverage of the issues, and this has probably all been said elsewhere, and better, but the comments made are, to my eyes, unacceptable from someone in a position of power.
So, Ms Dorries, please think about what you have said and consider the negative effects it could have on young women, and please stop suggesting that victims can prevent abuse. Yes there are issues in sex education, but this is not the best way to fix it.
